When I was young my brother and I both were spanked. Now that I have a son, I have chosen not to spank my children. Many parents feel that since they were spanked when they were growing up that it is a necessary part of discipline, what are your thoughts?
Do you think parents should spank their children? Why or Why not?
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In my opinion a child's disposition has as much to do with your discipline methods as anything else. You either have a child you can reason with, so there is no need to spank. Or you have a child you cannot reason with and spanking is useless because the child is illogical. My parents spanked me and it was unnecessary. When they explained their issue in a logical manner I was willing to obey. If they did not and I felt they had no reason to discipline me it did not matter how much they spanked me. My father spanked me seven times in a row for refusing to apologize to a neighbor that I felt I had not wronged (I was five). John was/is the same way. However I have siblings ; ) that it didn't matter if you spanked them or you reasoned with them they were going to do what they were going to do period. By working in education I have found that children are much more resourceful and intelligent than we give them credit for being. We need to remember that it is only in the last several decades that one does not take on adult responsibilities until 18 to 20 years of age. We hold children back, we pidgeonhole them into their behavior. Reason with your child. In my experience children will behave the way you expect them to behave ; ). I have no intention of spanking my (far, far in the future) child and I'm sure he/she will turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteWell I may not be as articulate as Erin but I'll give this a go. I was spanked so was my sister. It was how my parents chose to discipline us. I'm not saying that whenever I did something remotely wrong out came the belt. No that wasn't the case at all. There was a time when I could not be reasoned with and neither could my sister. When timeout didn't work (I talked to myself) and putting us separate corners was ineffective (we talked to each other about what was in our corners) we got whooped. My mother did the spanking, my father did nothing more than pop us in the mouths. Did it work? Yes, it scared the fool out of us and whenever we were threatened with a spanking nine times out of ten we got back in line.
ReplyDeleteI understand that people think its wrong and unnecessary but honestly I think it is for some children. There are times when words just do not work. I was an example of that. I was by no means a bad child, I just thought my parents were all talk and no action. Lol Found out I was wrong at about five or six years old. As I got older words became enough and all my mother had to do was break out the stern voice and I'd immediately stop whatever I was doing because I knew "fat meat was greasy" or whatever my mom used to say. LOL
Anyway, I just want to say I turned out fine. As did my sister and my nephew is handling his spankings like a champ. When you're in your parents house, you follow their rules. I think thats what spanking comes down to. Not to make a child see your way specifically. Its just discipline, plan and simple. Fall in line or face the consequences and I believe as long as its not taken too far and its fair, its okay.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it FAR from him. Proverbs 22:15 not the time-out chair of discipline...the rod. Now we also use other methods of disciplining our 4 children, not just spankings. I think for the most part being CONSISTENT in whatever way you as a parent chose to discipline your children is key. But there are what we call "nuclear" reasons for getting spankings such as running into the street and NOT stopping when i am screaming NO! You get a spanking for that one because i would rather have a kid with a sore rear end than a dead child any day of the week. Also direct defiance gets you a spanking. "Spilled milk" issues don't get the same kind of discipline but we are consistent with those as well. Just a thought...i'm not perfect and I second guess myself often but I do not think my children are worse for the wear :) Also I can spot a child that has not ever been spanked a mile away ;) The parents are usually the only ones who don't seem to notice.
ReplyDeleteOk, here's my two cents. First off it's a common misconception and misinterpretation to quote the bible when it comes to the rules of discipline. Scholars today admit that most of the time when society uses religion (bible quotation) to back up and justify their actions, it turns out that they are grossly wrong when interpreting the context.
ReplyDeleteUsing physical punishment spanking, slapping, etc has more detrimental effects than it does positive outcomes. First of all from a behavioral standpoint, spanking and any type of "corporal punishment" has a huge extinction curve. The more you spank, the more you will have to increase the punishment for it to be effective, especially as children get older and become more resistent. It is much more effective to reward positive good behavior than to punish negative behavior.
Spanking and other physical punishment causes psychological, social, and emotional effects that are irreversible. Studies show that children who are spanked regularly have lower self esteem, higher rates of mental illness (esp. depression and anxiety), and they perform more poorly in school. Children who are spanked also are shown to be more aggressive, and exhibit more violent behaivor. They learn that hitting is a way of expressing emotion and often times do not learn to show emotion properly, so when they become upset or angry they result to what they have learned; to hit.
Also, my final and most important point is based on personal experience. Most parents especially where I'm from (in the South) spank their children because they were spanked. The "my parents did it and I turned out fine" is an argument I hate. My parents spanked me, but like some, my father took it too far. The problem with spanking is that it can lead to abuse. When a parent gets so angry and frustrated that instead of cooling off they just "beat" their children who are small and utterly helpless against adults it leads to abuse. Two licks can easily turn into broken bones, bruises, or even death in some cases when mixed with a bad temper, mounted frustration, and well "tradition". Sadly these children tend to grow up coninuing the trend that was set out and abuse their children in return - a sick cycle. Which is why I have decided to never spank my children. I work with individuals with disabilities and when I see people who suffer from emotional disturbances and Shaken Baby Syndrome who are paralyzed for life, it makes me think - time out is a much better alternative.
Whether or not God intended us to spank our children is beside the point. Yes Miranda I know you were spanked as well as mine were and I will say all of you turned out very well. Time out works only when the child is very young. As they grow older that punishment does not fit the "crime" anymore so you have to do something else. I never spanked my kids for something small but it came down upon them when they had pushed the limit too far (and yes they knew just how far to push). Look at a lot of the teenagers and young adults of today that were not spanked. If you will notice most of them have bad tempers and tend to "blow up" a lot quicker then some of them that had been spanked.
ReplyDeleteI believe it is up to the individual as to how to raise their children. We all have different opinions but the fact is that everyone will never agree on this subject. I just don't want to have to pay for it in the end.
I was spanked...did well...my kids were spanked....did even better....know people who don't spank....their kids look at them like they are just talking heads.....need I say more?
ReplyDeletePS have you ever tried to reason with a ten year old that thinks they know everything?
I find it disconcerting that there are so many references to "you can just tell when a child hasn't been spanked". Exactly how do you know? Most people hesitate to spank their children in public for fear of being reported. I know my parents always waited until we got home.
ReplyDeleteOn a different note when I was younger I always intended to spank my children...but my experience working at Wal-mart changed my opinion. For 2 1/2 years I watched parents hit and jerk their children around for misbehavior only to see that same child punishing a sibling in the same manner for doing something the child did not like. Of course the child was immediately reprimanded with the same physical punishment. I fail to see how it is ok for someone to hit a child for a behavior they did not like, but in any other social situation hitting is faux pas.It is my opinion that we teach our children behaviors. If we whine, hit, and pitch fits then they whine, hit, and pitch fits. A child is a clean slate every behavior is learned from you and those with whom you associate. As for needing a more thorough punishment for when a child is older. I know spanking never worked with me at any age. It just pissed me off, even more so when I was older. However when my parents wouldn't let me use the computer for a week or wouldn't let me go out on the weekends that sent a message loud and clear. I believe their are more creative ways to get a child to do what you want. I certainly teach a classroom of 33 children who do what I want and I can't hit them ; ).
I totally agree Erin. All behaviors are learned. I "turned out fine" because I made up my mind that I'd choose to obey. I was cursed with the need to impress my parents and make them "proud" of me no matter what, and I believe that all children have that innate need to know that their parents approve of them, yes even in the rebelious stage of life :)
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is, I really didn't have strict rules to adhere to because I was a "good" child so I didn't really have anything to rebel against. But I think the way I was disciplined ingrained a primordial fear in me so that I was afraid to do things. I really didn't get over that fear until I was in college and even then I was "scared straight" so to speak. In a way it did me good, I didn't get into trouble when I was younger, but I was also scared to have new experiences, and that was a hindered my ability to make my own mistakes.
I also hate to admit that what got me where I am today was seeing the insanity around me and how my family acted. I chose to "never be like that" so it wasn't the good discipline that I got it was the bad discipline and effects that I witnessed.
In my experience professionally the best way I've seen to discipline is to be consistent, take away privelidges, and add consequences to bad behavior. Extra chores always do the trick. Also reward good behaivor. My favorite program is Positive Parenting, which can be started at age 5!